I Started to Use Porn as a Tool to Test Myself

Being a healthy 30 year old guy, I thought that the answer to this question was pretty simple. I was originally going to say that I use it to come to climax, but there have been many times that I have been able to do that without the use of porn. As I thought about it some more, I thought that I use/view it in order to fantasize, which is half true. Initially, I would use magazines like Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse, or Glamour. I would imagine myself having sex with the women, as I'm sure most men do at these times. Being young at the time, I knew only the basic mechanics of sex, so it was never anything to adventurous. Then I began to imagine the females in my life were these women. Not in any kind of stalker way, but I would imagine their faces on these beautiful, naked women, posing erotically just for me. These fantasies then evolved into the women I knew personally, engaged in the mundane sex I was having with the women in the magazines (in my head, obviously).

Then I "graduated" to soft-core pornographic movies like the ones that are on most cable channels late at night. Something about actually seeing these women "in action" was like discovering Playboys all over again. It was exhilarating. Plus, I was able to expand my extremely limited, mental playbook as I thought about having sex with the women in the magazines and movies that I would never meet, and the women I was surrounded by, that I would probably never be able to "have" sexually. Still, these movies, despite their "insert tab a into slot b" narratives, never fully allowed me to realize what happens during sex (physically) between two people.

My brother was the one that actually introduced me to hard-core porn. This seemed like the holy grail to me. FINALLY, I saw, and heard, what was going on. This allowed me to open my mind to so many different things. Now the mental picture I had in my head wasn't missing anything. I actually began to tell myself erotic stories as I masturbated. It seems like that would be self defeating, since I knew what was going to happen, but it wasn't. Some of these stories involved me, others didn't. Some were about specific people, others were merely descriptions of people that never existed (as far as I know, anyway).

Eventually, I stopped "writing" these stories, and opted instead to just watch people have sex, instead of imagine it. At this point in my life, I was dating, and I discovered a whole new way to use this fantasy part of my brain. As I would watch a porno, I would imagine myself and my girlfriend doing the things on the screen. It doesn't sound like that much of a difference from before, but it kind of made the whole process easier. Instead of inventing the scenario, it was there. Instead of imagining the positions, they were there. All I had to do was substitute in my mind's eye who it was, doing it. It got to the point where I had to ask my girlfriend if she would watch it with me, which surprised me when she said yes. On these nights, we would try to match what the actors on the screen were doing, which I'm happy to admit I was able to do most of the time. Almost as if everything up to that point had been practice. We didn't use porn every time we had sex, but when we did, it made it much better for me because, now the mental images I had in my head, of all of the women I had ever pretended to have sex with over the years, could be taken from the pretending part of my mind, to the memory part.

Then I started to use porn as a tool to test myself. I didn't really know where I was going sexually. For a short period of time, I found myself focusing on the men in the images and movies, and thought that perhaps I was gay or bisexual. But I tried masturbating to homosexual pornography, and it just never really did anything for me. So although I knew my sexual appetites were more advanced than just switching positions, I didn't really know how to go about expanding my knowledge about my sexual self. As my "library" of porn grew, I started to discover that I was more turned on by some of the weirder aspects of the sexual fringe. Nothing too extreme though. For instance, I knew for a fact that I was not interested in anything that involved urine or feces, although I did try to watch 2 girls one cup, just to see the perversion in it. I didn't make it past the first 10 seconds.

This experimentation led me to a few interesting things. I never would have thought that anal sex would be something I would be interested in, and yet when I watched it on video, I had an almost immediate reaction to it. This was yet another activity that I asked my girlfriend to take part in (both watching and doing), and once again she said yes. As I said, I never would have imagined that it would be something I would do, and yet without seeing it, I never would have known I enjoyed it. With this particular experience, I was the one performing the act on her, it wouldn't be until years later that a different girlfriend would attempt a similar act on me. Once again, I never would have imagined it would be as enjoyable as it was. Another time, I found myself watching a lot of group scenes involving anywhere up to 15 people. Something about this seemed so enticing to me, and yet I never was able to bring myself to pursue it. I did find my self in a few situations involving myself, my girlfriend, and another friend (sometimes male, sometimes female). Another thing I learned from watching porn was that I was apparently into light S&M. I found myself asking to be bitten, scratched, slapped, and choked. At first I thought it was purely masochistic behavior, but when I was asked to reciprocate, I did happily. The reason I know my interest stops at light S&M was because I was asked to take part in a rape fantasy, and as my girlfriend and I were attempting it, I just found my self getting nauseas. The most recent discovery I have made about myself was an intense interest in lesbians having sex with each other using strap on dildos. Like a lot of men, I have always found multiple women having sex thrilling, but the addition of this particular sex toy sparked in me a behavior that I was concerned might become a full blown fetish. I was so taken with the thought of a woman with a penis that I watched a few shemale/hermaphrodite pornos and I am still currently on the fence. I do not enjoy watching men performing with shemale/hermaphrodite actresses, but I can enjoy watching a woman having sex with a shemale/hermaphrodite.

So, basically I would have to say that my reasons for watching pornography are the fantasy aspect, but at this point in my life, it is all in regard to my own sexual experiences. The other reason is to learn more about myself and where my sexual desires lay.

I Began to Feel Abnormal

Like a train wreck, baby:  my eyes are inexorably drawn in to the center of scene, blood flow increases to the cerebral cortex, and my brain and body respond as programmed by thousands of years of evolution coursing through veins.
 
Which brings me to a point:  I've read some of the responses to your question, and there seems to be a conflation of questions.  Be clear that I am only answering the question "Why do you watch porn?", not the question "Why do you compulsively yank your cock like a deranged chimp at the zoo when the Catholic schoolgirls stop in front of your cage?" 
 
I watch porn to further the mood, to help engage my brain, during those times when I need it.  I watch porn with my SO, as a prelude - a sort of mental lubrication - to further sexual activity; I watch porn when I masturbate to keep my mind occupied.  The biggest problem I have, sexually speaking, is keeping focus:  my mind wanders, especially when there is no other involved to engage more senses.
 
By myself, there is nothing to taste, nothing to smell, nothing to explore, nothing to touch, nothing to press my tongue against, both enjoying the sensation of my tongue, and delighting in the reaction I provoke in the other:  there is just me, alone, with all my normal stressors.  A mountain of debt, a lifetime of insecurity, obligations to be met, dreams to be dashed, problems to be solved:  no amount of Viagra can overcome all this.  There is nothing so quite disheartening as to feel the need for an orgasm, to have the time to pleasure oneself, to get started in the act, only to discover mid-stroke that I'm now thinking about my mother's impending death from brain tumors raging inside her skull. 
 
Porn helps to engage my brain, to quell those thoughts of my existence which rob my erection of its life.  Porn enables me to relax, to enjoy the sensations I'm provoking in myself, to reach that point where I am one with my cock, that ultimate Zen of existence in which each wave of pleasure moving from the head of my cock through my body defines me wholly.
 
I do remember, somewhat fondly, when all it would take to help this along was the mere sight of a breast.  Ah, the days of our youth; soon left behind as we realize that, just like listening to rock music, you become quite accustomed to 110dB sound pressure level, and yearn for more.  Until you reach that point of oversaturation, when your physical system just can't tolerate any more.  Then, it's no fun:  it's just oversaturation.
 
Sometimes, with a partner, the issue of sex becomes quite confusing; I'm not quite sure if this is a good time to approach the subject.  I sense that, as I wish to fuck her, she wishes to fuck me:  yet, for whatever reason, there is a gap between us, an emotional gap, perhaps, which prohibits us from just doing what bunnies do.  These are the times when popping in a DVD on the big screen can do more than break the ice:  it can melt the ice more certainly than any global warming threatening a glacier.  Sometimes it's just enough for each of us to then masturbate, each engaged by identifcation with the onscreen antics, and yet aware of the other likewise engaged.  More often, we end up entwined on the floor, the onscreen action ignored.
 
I also watch porn because it can provide reassurance:  for whatever Freudian reason, I've always liked licking my partner's asshole.  Perhaps through random bad luck, perhaps this is the way it works, the first partners I tried this with were not receptive.  At all.  I began to feel abnormal, ashamed of this desire which raged within me.  Imagine my delight when I discovered (through porn) that, in the gamut of sexual behaviors, this was something that other people did, and enjoyed.  I began to feel less ashamed, to be able to revel in the pleasure which this act brings to me (and I hope my partner), and, became more aggressively confident in asserting my normalcy in the wave of desire to bury my face between the cheeks of a pretty girl's ass, and let my tongue circle and probe her asshole.
 
We also, against the advice of sex therapists, learn new activities through porn, activities which not only provide for sexual release, but which increase our bond.  Porn is a great teacher, and a great normalizer:  it helps us both to realize that such sexual exploration is healthy and normal.  It reduces the barriers which society has erected in our minds.